Dallin, Matzen and Carson's Day Out

Dallin, Carson, and Matzen are the only two humans left in Provo, Utah. What a day this would turn out to be. I say the only two humans left because we were forced to eat Matzen in the storm....just kidding...

Well not really. It just seems like that because everyone has left already! We decided to spend the day together before both of us leave tomorrow. You never know what you will do when you have the rest of the day off with no classes and you are just ready for break! Well, first things first. We went to the BYU creamery because I had to spend some money on my card before I leave so I don't lose any when they add more next week. Here is what we purchased, to stock up for the impending blizzard!;

Our Inventory:
(1) Bag of Lays Sour Cream and Onion Chips - a personal favorite.
(1) Double Stuffed Oreo - been craving them all year. Hunter eats them all the time.
(1) Mandarin Jarritos Soda - One of my Dad's favorite
(2) Pro-Relaxation Classic Lemon Lime Superliminal Purple Stuff "Calm Down, Relax the Body, Focus the Mind"
(2) Kern's Nectar Guava Guayaba Juice
(1) Fresh Coconut ------ EDITED LATER- discovered to be offensively maladorous.
(1) Pillsbury Orange Cinnamon Roll Cylindrical Container
(2) Jello Green version
(1) Trident Layers Gum

We are proud of our purchase.

Time: 5:44 PM. 

We have established a weather center in my room. We are stocked up and supplied. Dallin's laptop is constantly mapping out the storm before our eyes as I chart the analysis on a graph. We make orange cinnamon rolls to subsist and purple relaxant to not overstress during the storm. It tastes superliminal. 

We check what KSL guy has to say. He says its gonna be big. 

Dallin knows it is. 

The sky shifts and shapes until it comes to the calm before the storm. 

This is the storm center graph. 

After charting the storm center graph we realized something--The storm would never come.

This was a bitter disappointment. We waited in anticipation in the storm center for 4 hours. Only to get less than an inch and some sideways snow. The blizzard lasted for approximately 35 seconds. Our dreams of eating a blizzard from dairy queen in the blizzard and a coconut in it too were shattered. 

We walked through the snow to the Marriott center to see the mens basketball team win yet again right before break. We played Mississippi Valley State University, they are ranked in the preseason NIT poll, but they ended up being rank, in a bad way for them and a good way for us. The score discrepancies spell it all. 

After the game we were extremely bummed out as to the lack of snowfall in the air and lack of blizzard engulfing us. We walked back and watched some French films, including "The Count of Monte Cristo", one of my favorites.

After said movie, the inexplicable happened. 

Dallin got out the tool of the evening, one knife specifically sharpened to delve deep into the coconut core. After much struggle attempting to open up a hole in it, we were able to shove a twisty straw from Brenton's desk into the hole to suck from it's juicy contents. Dallin went first, experiencing the brunt of the expectedly sweet substance -- alas, it was not so....

Dallin's eyes bulged as his throat contracted. It tasted as if oysters had been mottled after sitting out in the Sahara for eons, as gila monsters slept on it and it was fermenting in the acid secreting from their bellies. But, Dallin recommended we try some, as none of us knew the true nature of coconut drink. (We all didn't know what to expect, for all we knew normal coconuts taste like this).

Matzen and I were the next to suck from the tormenting silly straw. My tongue instantly picked up the bitter taste and I swallowed the juice raw and writhing. Matzen followed suite. He also discovered the taste was, in his words "not one of my favorites." We ventured outdoors in the cold to attempt to resurrect the hope we had for an adrenaline filled evening to crack open the coconut and partake in the succulent meat within. 

Dallin's phone let us know that it was 18 degrees. The temperatures had indeed, as the weatherman on KSL stated, "dropped like a rock". Our stomachs were soon to follow suite.

 So much anticipation, so little pleasure....

As Dallin's strong fingers pried open the outer coconut shell, we gasped in the horror and tremendous anguish as we unmistakably found the eighth horcrux--a rotten inner coconut lining. Its liquid residue currently resided and squirmed in our stomachs, causing our bowels to churn and a chemical reaction to ignite our adrenaline. We yelped and screamed as the pain of the rotting juices burned our stomachs and souls....

I apologize for the bad picture of the coconut; this was after Dallin chucked the thing into the nearest bush from the due shock and horror of the current situation. The creamery had the AUDACITY to sell me, a rotten coconut. ARHGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

The scene of Frodo walking up Mount Doom in Mordor to destroy the ring came to us. This scene is comparable to my fellow comrades and I marching off to do the same. We came to a tree, and decided to hang it from the tree so that all would know the terrors and destructions that it had caused. This coconut was the most pustuler, morbid, decomposing, toxic wretch to ever fall from the wrong side of a tropical wonder. As it traveled countless miles, through land and sea, to one Provo, UT (a landlocked state, might I add), it must have been thinking to itself, if I rot on the inside now, someday I can rot on the insides of another individual, or three. A DIRECT comparison to that of Satan and his evils. If you notice something looks good on the outside, it can destroy you and your inner soul as you wallow in pride and partake of this substance. This coconut is the forbidden fruit, but alas, we did hold at least some of our dignity. If we had attempted to machismo the situation and dominate the fruit, it would have dominated us. The moral of the story, and the day is:

DON'T JUDGE A BOOK, A STORM, A FRUIT, SATAN, THE WORLD, BY ITS COVER! THE WORLD OFFERS SO MUCH, DO NOT PARTAKE IN THINGS THAT ARE NOT MEANT TO BE PARTAKEN OF!

ALSO- ROTTEN COCONUT JUICE MAKES A GREAT LAXATIVE. THAT IS ALL.UNFORTUNATELY...